Silence

Why have I gone silent? I fell into a deep dark hole and didn't want to come out. Writing everything down here, makes it real. Somehow, if I write it, I have to accept it. And I didn't want to accept it. I am a control freak - Yes, I have admitted it. I haven't had control of what has happened this past year - God has. It's easy to read that God is in control in your bible, it's easy to write that God is in control as an answer to one of your Bible Study questions, it even easier to tell someone else who going through a hard time that God is in control. It's really hard to admit it in your own life and let go to him. This past month I have been going over and over in my mind how I could have changed things - made them different, less complicated. I couldn't - this was God's plan, plain and simple. However, I've determined that there is something I can exert some control over. I can stay in my deep dark hole and let the enemy win, or I can climb out of my hole into the light and choose to live. God still has a plan for me - and I want to live it.