This Pain in my Heart

It hasn't been the best of days. Tops on the list is the grief I feel for my father. Sometimes it just hits you...like a big steel ball. The house, his house, is now in escrow. The good thing is that the nightmare of paying two mortgages, his and mine, is almost over. The bad thing is that now I have to clean out his garage. That was his space. It hit me this afternoon that I was going to have to go through his things in the garage. I haven't touched anything out there, purposely. I started to inventory in my mind what is in the garage. I thought about his collection of license plates from cars he had owned, his Chilton's Chevy repair manual, and then I thought of his red car ramps. I remember my mom buying those with him. It was when they were running an auto repair shop. I don't need those car ramps, but how can I get rid of his car ramps. Silly. I called his phone number to see if he would answer. He didn't. I was kind of hoping, actually had convinced myself that that maby it really didn't happen. You remember the season of Dallas when Bobby had died and all the really bad things happened. Then the next season starts with him getting out of the shower and the whole past season had been a dream of his wifes. Couldn't that happen in real life. Guess not. I listened to some of his records today with the kids. So many memories. I caught myself crying out, "Why didn't he tell me it would hurt this bad?" He told me he would die. He told me how to bury him. He told me what to do with his things. He didn't tell how bad losing him would hurt. I feel like there is a hole deep down in my inner being. I want the pain to go away, but I don't. This pain that I feel is assures me that he really did exist. He really was important in my life. We really did love one another. Through all of this I have really felt myself grow closer to Christ. I think of him as my high priest who lives to intercede for me. My high priest who knows the pains of this life. Christ knew the heartache I feel in losing my father. He too lost his father and felt the separation that death brings. When the wrath of the father was poured out on the son and the father turned his back on him, he knew what it was like to lose his father and he too was separated from his father because of deaths curse. I truly have a high priest who understands exactly what I am going through. How I praise him and pray, Come Lord Jesus, Come.